PelvicPodium.com
Connecting Women's Health
Work-Life Balance
Sep 3rd
Labor day weekend is approaching and for many (myself included) this means barbecuing, hanging out with family and friends, and most importantly NOT going into the office on Monday. As a national day of observance for workers in America (and Canada), what does it mean to be a laborer in 2010?
In my most recent trip to Toronto, a few weeks ago, monster.ca, the Canadian equivalent of the job search engine monster.com, was conducting street interviews about today’s work climate.
Standing at one of the busiest corners of downtown Toronto (Bloor and Yonge) waiting for my lunch date, the monster.ca reporter and crew spotted me for a potential sound bite. I must have looked particularly career oriented with my shorts, tank top, flip flops, sunglasses, and backpack look. Or I was just the low hanging fruit among rushed businessmen and women on their breaks.
My post today is about the questions they asked and how they made me reflect on work-life balance well after the interview.
Going by memory, below are some of the questions and my reponses. Feel free to comment on how you would have responded.
Q: Do you feel there is a shortage of jobs in your field?
A: No. I work in public health. If anything there’s a shortage of workers in my field.
How secure do you feel in your job?
A: I feel pretty secure in my job since there aren’t too many people in my field compared to the public health jobs out there.
Q: Are you worried that there will be another recession?
A: I hope there won’t be another one but I’m not entirely sure this recession is over yet, especially looking at our current unemployment rates.
Q: As a young person, do you feel there is more pressure on you to work longer hours because your employers assume you don’t have other obligations like family?
A: I think there’s more pressure to work harder and longer because I’m a young woman who is thinking about family. Women today have more pressure to do it all. We still have to be the primary caregiver, take care of the household, and still bring home a lot of the income. The pressure is to work harder in spite of everything else to prove we can keep up.
Q: What can employers do to support work-life balance?
A: Be more flexible and understanding of our obligations outside of work. Office buildings should have gyms and day care centers to make working out and childcare really accessible. These things would help make it easier to balance work and life.
Q: How willing are you to reduce your hours and pay or take a different job to maintain your work-life balance?
A: Very willing. In fact most recently I took a pay cut to reduce my working hours. But I was only able to do this with a really supportive partner who makes enough for me to do this temporarily. Most people I assume are not in this position so I feel very fortunate.
High Heels: The Good, the Bad, the Sexy
Jul 28th
My Favorite High Heel Shoes
My favorite pair of high heel shoes is an elixir for feminine transformation: Stitched together by thin black leather straps, small silver clasps, and four inch tall plastic heels. Slipping on those stilettos instantly lengthens and slims the appearance of my legs, hoists me up to a 5’9” stature, and jolts me with a boost of confidence.
Of course, something this good has its down falls. Impractical and often painful to wear, high heels come with a dose of side effects. However, this hasn’t fazed many women (and some men) from slipping on those sexy shoes. Perhaps its benefits outweigh the risks, but how well do we know the risks?
A 2010 British study published in the Journal of Experimental Biology found that among the female participants who regularly wore high heels, their Achilles’ tendons were thicker and their calf muscles were 13 percent shorter. These findings may explain why women who chronically wear high heels (compared to those who don’t) might experience discomfort wearing slippers or flats.
For those of us who wear high heels fewer than five days a week (which the women did in the British study) we face other risks. Any shoe that elevates our heel changes the angle of our ankle joint making it unstable, decreasing its range of motion, and increasing our risk for falling or getting an ankle sprain.
According to Nicole Sullivan, a physiotherapist specializing in optimal movement strategies and sports medicine, high heel shoes disrupt a person’s walking pattern, or gait.
“Narrow shoes like stilettos don’t allow for splaying of the foot. Its position is not optimal for absorbing ground reaction force (shock absorption from walking), which then impacts the knee, hip, and lower back,” say Sullivan.
What about those comfortable high heels?
Do you like the heels with a roomier toe box and a wider, softer, and moderately elevated heel? According to a Harvard study published in The Lancet, these comfortable high heels may help reduce the risk for falls, ankle injuries, and feet deformities but has the same, if not increased, harmful effects on our knees.
High heels compromise the ankle’s normal function, forcing the knee and hip to compensate in order to maintain stability. An earlier Harvard study published by the same author found that on average, there was a 23 percent greater force on the patellofemoral joint (where the knee cap joins the thigh bone) when wearing high heels versus going barefoot. Prolonged pressure across this joint from extended high heel use may even contribute to degenerative joint changes.
Regardless of how comfortable our heels feel, if our shoes are elevated, stress is added to our ankles, knees, hips and muscles supporting them. Many women tend to wear these wide heel dress shoes for longer periods of time and especially for work. For this reason, comfortable high heels – while giving mercy to our feet – are equally, if not more risky, to our joints.
According to Sullivan, findings from all three studies could have been stronger because each study had only 20 participants and thus they were not conclusive. Nevertheless, these studies can offer additional insight to how high heels can impact our body. “I wouldn’t say never wear high heels but people should try to wear shoes that allow for their most natural gait pattern and allows for comfort.”
Tips For High Heel Lovers to Protect you Feet and Legs: (From physiotherapist Nicole Sullivan)
- Roll a tennis ball under your calf. Sitting on your buttocks, bend one knee and stretch out the other leg in front of you. Place the tennis ball under the straight leg so your calf is resting on it. Gently move your leg so the ball is rolling up and down the length of your calf. Switch legs.
- Calf stretch. Face the wall, put right toes against the wall, while your heel is on the ground. Lean into the wall until you feel a gentle calf stretch. Hold for 3-5 minutes. Switch feet.
- Avoid regularly wearing any shoe impairing your natural or optimal walking stride.
The Need for Sociology of Sex and not Just Science to Explain (Female) Infidelity
Jul 22nd
Earlier this month TIME Magazine came out with an article about “cougar sex” and why women in their “middle years” age 27 – 45 reported having more sex than any other age group. The story started out addressing one of my pet-frustrations justifying infidelity among men.
Men who cheat on their spouses have always enjoyed an expedient explanation: Evolution made me do it. Many articles (here is one, and here is another), especially in recent years, have explored the theory that men sleep around because evolution has programmed them to seek fertile (and, conveniently, younger) wombs.
The article then segues into a study about female sexuality using evolution to explain higher sexual gusto among women in between the ages of 27 through 45. The article was interesting but like other “science of sex” type explanations for sexual behaviors, I was disappointed in its lack of social contextualization.
I’m sure the author only had limited word space but starting the article in the context of infidelity increased my expectation that the story would drive home the argument that women cheat too and here are the scientific reasons why.
The article’s analysis of the study is still interesting but I’m not sure what to make of how the author presented the study’s theory.
Our female ancestors would have grown accustomed to watching many of their children — perhaps as many as half — die of various diseases, starvation, warfare and so on before being able to have kids of their own. This trauma left a psychological imprint to bear as many children as possible. Becoming pregnant is much easier for women and girls in their teens and early 20s — so much easier that they need not spend much time having sex. (Read about cougar cruises.)
However, after the mid-20s, the lizard-brain impulse to have more kids faces a stark reality: it’s harder and harder to get pregnant as a woman’s remaining eggs age. And so women in their middle years respond by seeking more and more sex.
I’m probably disappointed because I wanted more discussion on the sociology of sex and infidelity within this article. Here are some pressing questions and discussion points on my mind about the topic. Please chime in on your thoughts.
- Men who cheat don’t always cheat with young women.
- Today’s woman has more autonomy, power, and travel opportunities. How does that affect the cheating trend?
- Unfortunately, women cheat too but there’s still more stigma attached to a woman cheating than a man.
- In the monkey world, the alpha male goes around spreading his seed. This theory is sometimes used to explain male infidelity. But little is discussed about the female monkeys getting cozy with all the available beta monkeys. Also, monkeys pick bugs out of each others’ hair and eat them. I’ll leave it at that.
- Depending on who you talk to, isn’t infidelity about more than sex? Isn’t sex just the end product of cheating or a symptom of some larger personal issue?
When Expectations about Being a Parent Lead to Unhappiness
Jul 15th
I want to tread (write) gently in today’s post about parenting expectations and happiness because I’m not a parent. But my fiancé and I have been talking about having children lately. A few friends have told me to “just worry about the wedding first” but I humbly disagree that talking about children is premature.
Not to trivialize the wedding, but it is just one day. Our marriage and parenthood are permanent commitments and I want to be on the same page with my soon-to-be-husband about how we will function as a family and agree that our partnership is suited for children.
I tend to be a worst-case scenario type person due to my less than fairy-tale like upbringing, so I’m incredibly sensitive to what challenges couples today.
Along with money, children are right up there and naturally, I want to talk about it before we make that irreversible decision to have kids.
So far we’ve talked about our views on spanking, private versus public schools, financial burden, discipline techniques, sleepless nights, level of commitment to maintain a sexual and social life, and sharing parenting responsibilities.
We’re not trying to take the romance or experience out of parenthood, we just know that if we can’t work together on common challenges, there will be a lot of disappointment in our future.
So it’s no surprise that we gravitated towards the segment above, about parents loving their kids but being unhappy, that aired on the Today Show this morning. What resonated was the kind of expectations couples place on parenthood to automatically bring happiness.
Watching this segment reminded me of weddings and young marriages. So much of the focus and expectation is on love and romance. Well there’s nothing romantic about fighting over dishes, arguing about changing the kitty litter, or stressing over balancing work, marriage, and a social life. But these are the things couples negotiate throughout a partnership and romance doesn’t make it better. It just confuses you into thinking there might be something wrong.
This parenting segment reminded me of a similar trend in our society to over-romanticize the awesomeness of marriage and now parenting. It makes people feel guilty for saying less than amazing things about their experiences as husband/wife/dad/mom. Just look at Charlotte from the Sex and the City movie. She had to be drunk to admit her kids were driving her insane and that she cries alone in a closet. I just made a SATC reference, which I know may reduce my credibility but there was an honest moment in that scene.
I don’t want to sound like an anti-romantic. There’s so much value in the overwhelming love we have for our partners and children (for those who have kids.) It supports us through those difficult moments. It just shouldn’t be expected to do all the work and we should be careful about expecting it to make us happy.
.
Saying Goodbye
Jul 13th
Today’s post is the product of a free writing exercise I did in a class last week. The instructions were:
- Write for 20 minutes without stopping
- No editing, no going back and changing what you wrote
- Theme: I will never forget…
With the exception of small edits like spelling, the text below is untouched. I’m sharing this piece because I want to recommend letting your mind relax and seeing where a similar exercise takes you. Reflecting on the piece, it reveals (some of) where I am in “letting go” of my mom. Also sharing is caring 
***
I will never forget the day my mother died. She was 54 and I was just shy of my 21st birthday. My sister, brother and I were taking turns at the hospital where my mother was in some in-between palliative care unit. I had just finished my shift for the day. I slept over the night before. There were no beds so I made myself comfy on the floor next to her. We had been doing this for over a month. Breast cancer metastasized in the bones, brain & chest were the culprit. Holy Shit! My back was aching everyday at that point. Not from sleeping on the floor but from tensing my body so tight fearing the moment my mom decides to go. The tightness in my body pervasively ached to the center of my bone. If you could see the fibers connecting the tissues of those bones, they would be aching too. As a family we collectively lost the weight of a small child. The nurses were all so kind to force us into getting food and rest. But who can rest under circumstances like these? Who has an appetite when their mother can hardly eat, pee or breathe on her own? So I left that night and passed the responsibility of keeping my mom company to my sister. About two hours later I got a call from my sister. Words weren’t necessary. Her silence and soft whimpering told me that she was gone. My brother and I rushed back to the hospital before the warm blood could dissipate from her body. By the time I got there, her hands were starting to get cold. I’ve never seen nor touched a dead person before. Let alone one who was my mom. I felt so numb seeing her. I lay over to give her my last kiss goodbye. Her mouth was wide open, like an old man snoozing under the afternoon sun. Except there was no warmth there. I kissed her on the cheek and said “goodbye.” The skin was cold at that point and I knew the road ahead was going to be just as hard as the road that brought me to the side of my mother’s deathbed. It wasn’t fair. Not for me but my brother. He was only 14 at the time and we already didn’t have a dad. A father yes but someone to call dad, no. It’s not fair that my brother was stuck with me and my sister. We never got along and now we were tasked to raise him. Good god. I would have run away at that point if I were him. But no. He remained the strongest out of the three of us. He cried once, that night and exclaimed how unfair this was. I’ve never heard another peep or another tear from him again. My sister and I were clearly the emotional ones.
The Price of Spa-Pedis
Jun 11th
My afterwork pedi. Arguably a mani with those finger-like toes.
Treating myself to pedicures is a recent indulgence. I used to find the ordeal a bit strange, but I’ve now grown accustomed to the experience: Enter the shop, pick your polish color, soak your feet in bubbly water, turn on massage chair, have someone scrape the gunk out of your nails, clip and file them. Your feet and lower legs get scrubbed, massaged, then your perfectly groomed nails are polished with a stylish new color.
A spa-pedi session after a long and tiring work week with some girlfriends felt golden yesterday. But after visiting the salon’s bathroom, I was reminded of some apprehensions I have towards getting pedicures (and manicures). There were jugs of acetone polish remover and various containers of creamy, hard-to-pronounce labeled substances.
My mani-pedi reservations are because of the following:
1. It’s hard to escape the smell of chemical fumes in the salon.
2. Nail polish contain harmful ingredients to our health (such as Dibutyl phthalate (DBP), Formaldehyde, and Toluene), albeit in “safe” doses.
3. I feel a bit awkward having people service my feet.
4. Why pay for a pedi when you can buy a good bottle of nail polish for a third of the cost? And then you can keep painting your nails and your girlfriends’ nails too.
These are reasons (among others) many women avoid or limit getting pedicures, and I would still put myself in the “limit” category. Like eating chocolate mouse cake, I’ll enjoy this in moderation.
But to address the first two points of my reservations (which bother me the most), nail polish is still considered “safe” and regulated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA).
By law, nail products sold in the United States must be free of poisonous or deleterious (harmful) substances that might injure users when used as labeled or under the usual or customary conditions of use…Many nail products contain potentially harmful ingredients, but are allowed on the market because they are safe when used as directed. (FDA)
Even if products are used “as directed” our skin and nails are permeable to toxins, meaning they can be absorbed by our bodies. Small amounts may have little or no health impact. Unfortunately small amounts of toxins are also found in cleaning products, shampoos, soap, detergents, and pesticides on food, which can all add up.
Formaldehyde – It’s a suspected carcinogen; can cause breathing difficulty (wheezing and coughing); induce eye, nose, and throat irritation; some develop fatigue, skin rash, severe allergic reactions.
Toluene – Acute and chronic reactions vary depending on exposure and can range from nausea to impaired speech, hearing, and vision; may affect reproductive development (generally for women who abuse solvents).
DBP – Evidence of adverse health effects are limited, however animal studies show reproductive issues associate with exposure.
With growing concern over increased exposure to toxins found in beauty products, as consumers we can push for safer alternatives. Many local health food stores and (natural) spas now carry organic or natural nail polish brands, such as No-Miss nail polish, Suncoat, or Zoya. If you have concerns, it’s worth Google-ing “natural spa (your location)” and asking before your appointment if the salon’s products are DPB, formaldehyde, and toluene free (especially if you’re pregnant).
I’ll definitely get a pedicure again. It’s hard to resist the lure of sitting in a massage chair while you get your feet scrubbed, and then leaving with nicely groomed and painted toes. This is especially tempting during times when I’m treating myself for working like a donkey. However, among the many other beautifying luxeries (like hair cuts and waxing) I’ll have to examine the cost-benefit ratio. Costs = monetary and health impact and benefits = having nice feet and feeling like a queen for an hour.
Society’s Aversion to Public Displays of Breastfeeding
Jun 16th
Two dear friends of mine are new moms. Their babies are beautiful, precious, and hungry. Hungry for momma’s milk and lots of it so they can grow big, healthy, and strong.
Both of my friends told me that they felt shy about feeding their infants in front of friends or in public, even with a nursing cover. I wondered if I would feel the same way when I have children.
Both moms are educated, beautiful, and confident women who support healthy and natural baby-rearing practices such as delivering with a midwife or doula, using cloth diapers, and breastfeeding.
A few day’s ago, I was reading a global health article in TIME Magazine (June 21, 2010 edition) and came across a photo of a malaria-stricken Ugandan woman nuring her child.
I felt conflicted about this image for two reasons:
- Had that woman been white or looked like a relatable middle-class American woman, I would imagine, TIME would receive an uproar of complaints for indecent exposure.
- Reason #1 reinforces our society’s aversion to public displays of breastfeeding.
The conflict stemmed from my initial reaction to this photo thinking it was provocative. I was disappointed with my degree of sensitivity to an image of a woman naturally feeding her child despite my support for the benefits and act of breastfeeding. Our cultural practices of censoring the boob had penetrated my health education and values, just for a split moment.
Clearly, many women feel similarly to my two mommy friends about public breastfeeding. Some go further down the spectrum where, for varying reason, do not or cannot naturally feed their babies. Some women use a combination of breastfeeding (at home) and formula or pumped breast milk for going out. If breasts were seen less as sexual objects and more for their important functionality, we’d see more women feeding their babies at the bus stop, in the mall, at work, or with friends at a restaurant, while the moms eat themselves.
My (not-yet-a-mom) maternal and public health instincts feel an injustice about how we’ve grown accustom to the lack of public ownership we (women) have over our bodies, particularly our boobs! Our society highlights this injustice for every time a woman gets a stare for publicly nursing their child, or worse scolded for indecency, or worse yet banned from permitting the act to not offend or distract others.
Despite popular belief, public breastfeeding is NOT a controversial issue, it’s a public health one. Not enough women naturally feed their babies either exclusively or for a long enough period to maximize its health benefits for mother and child. According to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) survey among US infants born in 2006:
- 73.9% were ever breastfed
- 43.4% were still breastfeeding at 6 months of age
- 22.7% were breastfeeding at 1 year of age
- 33.1% were exclusively breastfed through 3 months of age
- 13.6% were exclusively breastfed through 6 months of age
The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding,
…up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.
For a practice so important to the growth and development of our future generation, any societal barriers to breastfeeding are troubling. Especially when we censor such images from public consumption as Facebook (FB) did when they deemed breastfeeding photos a violation of their decency policy. In response, many women added more pictures of themselves nursing and a non-profit organization started a FB fan page called “If breastfeeding offends you put a blanket over YOUR head.” You should check out some of the discussion, it’s really interesting.
As natural as it is, initiating and maintaining breastfeeding can be challenging or uncomfortable. There’s no place for additional barriers or judgment whether it’s from your partner, a stranger, employer, or a social networking site run by a twenty-something year old, multi-millionaire guy.
Although most states have laws protecting a woman’s rights to breastfeed in public, women brave enough to bare their breast still face scrutiny and harassment. The image of baby-sucking-on teat still makes people feel uncomfortable. Could it be because for every picture of a breast in our society , a small fraction of them represent its primary function, to provide nutrients?
Don’t get me wrong, breasts are beautiful and sexy, and biologically they also serve a purpose in attracting a mate. But the breast’s attractiveness and function don’t need to be mutually exclusive.
I joked with one of my friends and said, “imagine women had the guts to whip out their breast whenever they needed to nurse and said to their onlooking nay-sayers ‘Watchu lookin’ at? Never seen a tit before?’” Some women are that brave. But the vast majority of us who may (or will) find it challenging to publicly breastfeed, shouldn’t have to compromise their child’s health (even in the slightest) because of societal pressure to keep nursing behind closed doors.
Many workplaces now have policies promoting nursing and the CDC has a guide to promote breastfeeding at work. You can also support local or national breastfeeding campaigns. Joining or starting a support group is also an option. If you’re committed to building your public breastfeeding confidence, start small. Try nursing in front of trusted family and friends, use a cover if need be, then go from there.
Remember, there’s no justification in anyone judging a woman for nursing. It’s a beautiful and natural way of keeping mom and baby healthy. For nursing mom’s out there, please share your tips.
Genetic Testing for Breast Cancer
Jun 18th
I have an increased risk for developing breast cancer because my mother had the disease. She passed away eight years ago and since then, on most days I imagine the conversations I’d have with her about dreams and fears, writing, food, health, and love.
Sometimes I’d write about those conversations as a way to remain connected to her spirit. Today’s post is about a conversation I wish I could actually have with my mom in person.
Under a pile of bank statements, credit card offers, and various receipts lay a request form for genetic testing my OBGYN gave me half a year ago. It was an option, should I want to know if I have the breast cancer gene.
The breast cancer genetic testing form out from hiding
It’s just a piece of paper but I keep it stowed away under piles of paper I won’t sort through for a while. I can’t bare to think about ever having cancer, leaving my family and friends prematurely, and never seeing my children have a family of their own. Like my mother. That form is a staunch reminder of my mom’s physical absence.
The offer for genetic testing doesn’t expire as long as I either have the money or health insurance to cover its cost. My mother believed with conviction that her illness was caused by her stress and lifestyle. The stress was from being a single mother of three, an immigrant, and poor. Women with similar demographics have higher rates of breast cancer prevalence, and are more likely to die from the disease.
There are different types of breast cancer. Some are more aggressive than others, and some are passed down through the abnormal breast cancer genes, BRAC1 and BRAC2. Having these genes don’t mean breast cancer is definite, but it significantly increases your likelihood of it developing. Getting breast cancer is complicated and has a lot to do with risk factors including but not limited to, age, reproductive history, environment, lifestyle, and whether first-degree family members have/had breast cancer.
After my mom’s diagnosis, she took up yoga, ate organic food (before it was offered in grocery stores), worked part time, actively engaged in support groups, and underwent chemotherapy. We frequently talked about politics and why there was a disproportionate amount of women “like me,” as she’d say, suffering from this disease.
My mom frequently reminded me that other than herself, we have no family history of breast cancer. Therefore, I need not worry about having a similar fate. She would tell me to “just continue to eat healthy and exercise. Don’t worry so much.”
Intuitively, I know my increased risk for breast cancer is neutralized or even reduced with my lifestyle. On most days, I exercise, eat well, and try to choose organic. I’m also engaged to a wonderful and supportive partner who helps reduce my stress, and once we’re married, our union will serve as another protective factor against diseases. I go for regular check ups and floss (flossing is a protective factor against gum and heart disease, not breast cancer.) But still, the genetic testing service appeals to me like a customized horoscope does to astrological believers.
Both the test and horoscope provide information about the future and would leave me with the choice to act (or not) based on what I know.
But do I want to know if I have a genetic predisposition to breast cancer? Let’s say I end up having the gene, what next? Will I be able to handle everything that needs to happen next? If I don’t have it, will knowing that help resolve hurt feelings about my mother’s death? Will I act as though I’m immune to the disease? If I choose not to get the test does avoiding it mean I’m taking an “ignorance is bliss” approach? Or does it prove my confidence in a healthy lifestyle?
My OBGYN also warned that the test results will be on my medical and insurance records. If I have a genetic predisposition, and therefore a higher risk of breast cancer, it can impact my insurance premium or restrict services offered to me. Future insurer could potential deny me coverage as well. But, the health reform, when implemented, should protect me from these types of discrimination. Thanks Obama!
The form is officially on my fridge
My current thoughts are to do the following:
- dig up the form and put it on my fridge so I don’t conveniently forget about it and thus eliminating my need for a decision (done, by the time of publishing this post)
- find out more information about the testing such as counseling options to go with the test results, insurance implications of the results, fees and co-pays, if it’s necessary, and general pros and cons
- figure out if I’m taking my sweet time coming to a decision because I’m afraid of knowing the results (my friends and family can help me with this one)
I’ll go from there and keep you posted. At the very least, talking and learning more about the testing can only help me make an informed decision.
The Need for More Father’s Days
Jun 19th
Growing up, I had a father, whom I reluctantly visited once in a while on the weekends when I couldn’t fake being sick. He never knew my birthday (or didn’t bother acknowledging it), constantly told me how dumb my mother was, and lectured me about being greedy when I wanted juice with my meal at the Chinese restaurant we frequented during our visits. As you can imagine, my image of a father figure developed into a dysfunctional assumption that men lacked the ability to raise children.
Luckily, I learned to distinguish a bad apple from a much larger lot of really wonderful men who are actual fathers to their fortuitous children. I felt fortunate to have witnessed these relationships among my close friends who welcomed me into their families.
As my fiance and I talk about having a family of our own in the near future, I’m consumed with fears about becoming a single mom, which will have to be discussed in another post. What’s interesting about our conversations is the amount of concern he has about being able to spend enough time with our unborn children. His job is stressful, he periodically works long or odd hours, and he’s the breadwinner. We talked about how it’s not fair that men frequently don’t get time off as easily as women for family reasons.
It turns out that my fiance isn’t the only one who feels stressed about juggling family and career. According to yesterday’s New York Times article studies found that dads are just as stressed as moms about balancing work and family life.
Just last week, Boston College released a study called “The New Dad” suggesting that new fathers face a subtle bias in the workplace, which fails to recognize their stepped-up family responsibilities and presumes that they will be largely unaffected by children.
Putting our gender war aside about who does what and more, this article gave voice to family health concerns, rarely brought to the table at work. Five years ago, I may not have wanted to acknowledge the importance of a father figure but I now know better than to think that a child is better off with one parent. With the exception of extenuating circumstances, like abuse.
So in light of this article, here’s to more father’s days and not just the one day acknowledged by Home Depot and Hallmark.
Some interesting words from our president about this topic.
List: On My Deathbed
Jun 23rd
This post isn’t intended to be gloomy despite its title. Today I’m going to share an exercise I do from time to time when I’m feeling lost, overwhelmed, pensive, introspective, or down.
In high school a dear friend of mine used to bring me back to earth when I’d feel so bad about how my life was going. At the time, my single mother had cancer, and I despised my father for making less than bare minimum child-support payments to our family. I couldn’t afford to buy the clothes I wanted to wear and I was utterly self-conscious of being poor.
Boy troubles added to my sense of anger at the universe.
My friend would tell me “When you’re on your deathbed, what are you going to cherish the most? And what are you going to wish you did more of?“ I liked that she didn’t focus on regrets. In hindsight, I’m impressed with the kinds of conversations we had at that age.
When I was in a state of despair, responding to those questions were harder than it seems now. Despite being in a self-defeating hole of resentment, I tried my best to answer. What I cherished the most was laughing with friends and family. I wanted to do more of it. My friend would point out that, I didn’t say “I wish I fought more with my sister or spent more time being angry at my father.”
This exercise helped me re-find my focus on the positive and that I’d ultimately want to honor a rich and fulfilling life at the end.
I recently, came back to this excise and my answers changed only in the slightest. The list is a bit longer but the sentiment is the same:
I would cherish:
- laughing with friends and family
- hugging and kissing
- my enriching relationships
- my cat’s company
I would wish I did more:
- of what I cherish
- following dreams
What has changed is what’s not on the list, which my friend would like to point out is also part of the exercise in keeping perspective.
On my deathbed I’m NOT going to be wishing:
- I stayed extra hours at work to finish an assignment for my boss
- I was so dutiful to those outside of my inner circle
- I studied more for my exams
- I worried more
- I stressed more about wedding planning
- I won more arguments with my fiance
- I stayed home more often to save $30
You get the idea. It’s a nice way to kick my butt into putting LIFE into perspective. I get so stressed about making deadlines, pleasing employers, worrying about things I can’t control. Those things don’t serve what I cherish most in life. I get how simplistic this exercise can be and I don’t want to trivialize our modern-day realities of tasks, chores, and careers. I know making work deadlines are about keeping your job so you can afford to do what you cherish, like family vacations or backpacking in Europe.
In many points of my life I’ve had to take stock of where I can increase the things that I cherish and decrease the things that I won’t be honoring on my deathbed. It’s a matter of living because at the end of the day, what’s the point?
So what would you cherish the most on your deathbed? And what would you wish you did more of?
Where’s My Period? Another Way to Look at Late Periods Besides Pregnancy
Jun 25th
I use an app on my G1 called “My Days.” It’s used to keep track of my period and ovulation, and can track anything else cycle-related such as having sex, taking a pill, or writing notes. The app also projects period, ovulation, and high fertility dates based on previous months.
It’s a useful tool if you’re trying to get preggers or if you’re avoiding an “accident.” I use My Days because keeping track of my cycle helps me stay in tune with my body’s rhythm.
Since November 2008, I’ve been tracking my period and every month I would have one. I’d have roughly a 32 day cycle with the occasional one week delay here and there with the same pre-menstrual symptoms each time: tender breasts, fatigue, crankiness and heavy emotions.
According to my calendar, I was supposed to get my period seven days ago. So where is it? I’m almost certain I’m not pregnant, or the joke’s on me.
I recently read an old New Yorker article by Malcolm Gladwell called “John Rock’s Error.” It’s a fascinating look into the unnatural evolution of our menstrual cycles and how we, as post-industrial women, have our periods roughly four times more in our lifetime than pre-industrial women. John Rock was the co-inventor of the Pill and the article also discussed what he didn’t know about about woman’s health and menstruation.
As suggested in Gladwell’s piece,
In a brilliant and provocative book, “Is Menstruation Obsolete?,” Drs. Elsimar Coutinho and Sheldon S. Segal, two of the world’s most prominent contraceptive researchers, argue that this recent move to what they call “incessant ovulation” has become a serious problem for women’s health. It doesn’t mean that women are always better off the less they menstruate. There are times–particularly in the context of certain medical conditions–when women ought to be concerned if they aren’t menstruating: In obese women, a failure to menstruate can signal an increased risk of uterine cancer. In female athletes, a failure to menstruate can signal an increased risk of osteoporosis. But for most women, Coutinho and Segal say, incessant ovulation serves no purpose except to increase the occurrence of abdominal pain, mood shifts, migraines, endometriosis, fibroids, and anemia–the last of which, they point out, is “one of the most serious health problems in the world.”
The evolution of expecting our monthly periods is partly attributed to diet. Our availability of certain high fat and high caloric foods have increase how often we have our period but also when we get our first period (menarche.) Both early menarche and increased frequency of that time of the month have health consequences such as increased rates of reproductive cancers as the article discussed,
Ovarian and endometrial cancer are characteristically modern diseases, consequences, in part, of a century in which women have come to menstruate four hundred times in a lifetime.
I’m not a pre-industrial woman so having a late period is somewhat enerving. But Gladwell’s article brings a different angle to our discussion on reproductive health and monthly cycles. It’s well worth the read and I guarentee it’ll make you think about your own cycle, lifestyle, methods of contraception, and pregnancy just a little differently.
Super Woman
Jun 27th
I was watching ABC’s Summer Concert Series with Alicia Keys (AK) where AK announced the new head blogger, Alexis Tirado, for her up and coming web site “I Am A Super Woman.“ It’s going to be a site dedicated to inspiring the super woman within all of us. AK has an interesting vision for the site where,
[t]ogether we have grand plans to grow IAAS.com into a full scale, editorial site and virtual neighborhood featuring notable contributors that prompt unique discussions among a new breed of super woman: YOU!
Frequently, I feel indifferent about celebrities and their philanthropic work. On one hand, I commend them for using their fame to bring good to this world, but on the other hand, most of them do it in a way that’s so in-your-face, like a publicity stunt. It’s uncomfortable to see Hollywood stars surrounded by sickly African or Asian women and children who’s name they probably don’t know. Then again, they bring attention to the health crisis thousands of miles away from the comfort of our modern lives.
Alicia Keys is my exception to this indifference. She’s a superstar extraordinaire, yet she feels relatable. I attributed this to her music. She’s a poet, and like any good poet her words resonate. It’s easy to be cliche when you’re singing/writing about love and broken hearts but she manages to pull it off, Grammy-winning style. For me, it’s about sincerity. I find her music and philanthropy sincere. Life, music, passion, and helping others seem to come from an honest place.
Now, no one’s perfect and from time to time her videos are cheesy, like when she’s dressed as Cleopatra in the Superwoman video above. But I’ll chalk that up as a poor artistic decision. I still love the overall sentiment of the song’s message. There’s enough crap songs out there to keep a teenage girl from ever feeling beautiful, so I find songs like Superwoman a sound of fresh melody to my ears.
In the next few months I’ll look forward to seeing how the “I Am A Super Woman” site develops. We can always use a community for women to discover her inner Super Woman, online or not.
Pet Therapy
Jun 30th
Tomo, our family dog
Pet therapy, also known as pet-assisted or pet-facilitated therapy, is defined by the National Cancer Institute as,
A type of therapy that uses dogs or other pets to improve the physical and mental health of patients with certain acute or chronic diseases. It is being studied as a way to relieve distress in cancer patients undergoing treatment for pain.
My mom adopted our family dog, Tomo, after being convinced she could benefit from pet therapy. Funny how my incessant promising to take full responsibility of a dog got us no where close to adopting one. At one point my mom told me that our apartment had an anti-pet policy.
Tomo, who now lives with my younger brother, is a rascal of a dog and he undoubtedly loved my mother the most. They accompanied one another on walks to the park, to the city’s harborfront and sometimes coffee shops. My mom wrote about finding comfort in Tomo’s company during her harder days battling cancer.
For months after my mom passed away, Tomo waited by the door hoping she’d come home. My mom equally loved Tomo, and had put a special “Tomo” section in her annual holiday newsletter.
Our beloved Kiwi-cat. She loves to nap
Over the weekend, I stumbled upon Animal Planets’ programming Dogs 101. It was their puppies special and I couldn’t resist watching it.
The Dogs 101 puppies special reminded me of when my mom used to scan the local newspaper’s classified section and look for puppy open houses. Once in a while she’d pretend to be a prospective buyer just so she could spend time playing with a litter of puppies, which she pronounced “poppies.”
I’m more of a dog lover than cat, but with our condo size and lifestyle, it wouldn’t be fair to have a dog. So six month ago we adopted a kitten from a former humane society worker who had many kittens needing a home.
Kiwi playing in some leaves
My fiance and I couldn’t be happier with Kiwi, the newest member of our household. She’s surprisingly very much like a dog: happy to see me when I come home, plays fetch occasionally, likes to snuggle, and (sometimes) comes when I call her name. Most importantly she brings us a lot of happiness which is great therapy after a long day of work.
Condoms for Kindergartners – In Newsweek Blog
Jun 30th
Here’s an interesting Newsweek blog post about a bad headline for a good sex ed policy. The policy essential allows students (at any grade level) to get condoms from a school nurse if they are considering sexual activities. Now before you start questioning whether this policy should be implemented in the schools of one Massachusetts town, read the post.
The blogger, Kate Daily, takes on many controversial questions that would arise with a policy like this. For example, “Wouldn’t passing out condoms encourage kids to have sex?,” “No age limit? Elementary students aren’t having sex, are they?” “Isn’t it the parents’ job to educate their children about sex?”
Daily uses peer reviewed research and the CDC to back up her arguments. I give her post an “A.” Here’s a small quote to give you a sample,
As nice as it would be to think that all 11-year-olds, or 10-year-olds, or 13-year-olds, are immune from sexual pressure, that’s not the case: kids develop on different timelines, and kids date outside their age range. A study in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that more than 40 percent of middle-school students interviewed at one school dated someone two years older or more, and of those students (median age: 11 and a half), they were 30 times more likely to have had sex. And those are the kids most in need of the counseling provided by a caring adult.
New Tanning Tax Starts Today
Jul 1st
As part of the health care reform bill, starting today there is a 10% increase in fake and bake services. Anytime taxes are raised, there are a handful of people up in arms. This time it’s the tanning salon merchants and some patrons.
Like cigarette taxes, this tanning tax is justified by the direct relationship between tanning and skin cancer which drives up health care costs. Skin cancer is labeled a woman’s health issue due to its high prevalence among women , especially those who are under 30 years old. However, anyone can get skin cancer.
This tax will help finance programs in the health care reform bill and encourage behavior change. I’m all for it!
Check out NBC’s news clip.
An Interesting Blog Post About the Male Pill
Jul 2nd
I’m digging The Sexacademic’s blog. The blogger’s most recent post opens up discussion about the Pill for men. According to the post it was developed in Israel and is going through clinical trials. The author debates whether we could trust men with the responsibility of taking the pill. It’s hilarious and intreguing.
I left this comment on the post.
Well it’s about time someone came out with a male birth control pill. I see both sides of the debate and we shouldn’t assume all men act the same when it comes to sexual responsibility, though sometimes I fail to see any differences in their behaviors. With the male Pill, I like the added option of the guy being able to take some reproductive responsibility.
This won’t entirely alleviate the unequal duty women have over unwanted pregnancies but it seems like a decent step forward towards equalizing the onus between two people.
Target Heart Rate Changes for Women?
Jul 5th
According to a New York Times blog, Well, researchers announced a new formula to calculate target heart rates specifically for women. According to the blog post,
The commonly used formula subtracts a person’s age from 220. But based on the data collected in the Chicago study, the right formula for calculating a woman’s maximum heart rate is a little more complicated: 206 minus 88 percent of a woman’s age.
In the short run these findings are only important for women who workout or train in heart rate zones, using heart rate monitors. In the long run, trainers and sport exercise experts will look at this new formula and adapt workouts accordingly.
Unless you’re a competitive athlete where it’s important to train in various aerobic thresholds, this new formula provides little contribution for the average exercising woman. Exceptions would be for women who are recommended to exercise with heart rate monitors due to medical conditions.
As fun as it is to calculate and monitor your training zones, all this math is unnecessary to work up a good sweat. There are enough barriers to getting women to workout such as time, money and confidence. Making the physical experience of exercise more cerebral with new formulas convolutes the goal of movement.
206 – 88% of a woman’s age is another one-size-fits-all type of formula which won’t fit all women. If you’re doing an aerobic exercise and you want to make sure you’re reaping aerobic benefits let me share a tip my exercise physiology teacher rigorously researched and preached to our class.
Do the “talk test.” While you’re jogging, walking, Zumba-ing, you shouldn’t be able to talk to someone with ease but you should be able to talk to them. Sustain that moderate level of talking difficulty and you should be in your aerobic target zone. Clearly a trained marathon runner would need to run faster than a couch potato the same age to benefit from aerobic training, which is another reason why I find this generic formula problematic.
If science and technology are important aspects of your exercise experience, you may find this blog post interesting.
